The Lovell Dies Crapsite

Before I dig into this topic I want to throw in some disclaimers. I am Roman Catholic (RC) by birth. The content of this post are my personal views and is no means meant to offend any religious community.

Religion: A set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a supernatural agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

Its 5:45 p.m. I’ve had a bath, worn some decent clothes, looked out of the window and thought to myself, “Wow, what a pleasant day!” I’ve got just enough time for the 10 minute walk to Church. But then “Satan” influences me and I decide not to go, but rather write about religion and the jazz it brings with it.

25 years back on valentines day, when chicks were getting rings, and guys were getting laid, the little Lovell D’souza was baptized. He now belonged to the strongest and most powerful religious community in the world; the Roman Catholics. The same people who came to Goa around 500 years back, destroyed temples and gave the locals an option to build their churches else die had now acquired another soul. Lovell D’souza was now cleansed off original sin.

As a RC you enjoy the pleasure of seeing some nice fancy churches, hot chicks (that’s if you are in Goa), eat fancy food and a lot more. But you also land up at these strange charismatic meetings where people will start talking in tongues, acting all weird and freaking the shit out of you. As a kid, I had the great privilege of attending a lot of these meetings. There would be some dude or a priest up front screaming into the mic and going “Alleluia, Alleluia!!” and I’d be like, “What the shit!” Most of the time I’d be scared, as people were fainting, talking gibberish, getting possessed by the Holy Spirit and what not. It was like a dignified metal concert. Thank God that phase stopped. Amen!

My take on religion

I think that religion is the biggest brainwashing shit out there! I’ve said this many times and I shall say it again. Religion must have come up when some people, who had a lot of problems in life just did not know how to solve them and then decided, “Oh lets pray to the Superior Forces and all our problems will be solved”. And hence religion came into existence. All this over a period of hundred of years thereby brought upon the jazzing up of religion and people started to let their imagination run wild. Now, we all know about all the religions out there and all the nonsense rituals they have, so I shall not elaborate.

The Christians

These are people you would love to avoid. They go to church everyday, think that the Lord loves them and blah blah, but will come home and not even bother to be good to others. And, on top of this, they will judge you for not going to church and because you are not pro-religious like them. Other facts about these people are that they will come to you and convince you that the world is coming to an end and you have to join their religion to be saved and all kinda bullshit like that. Like, who the fuck cares if the world is coming to an end. You can casually let them know that you are not interested, but they will keep nagging you over a period of time till you decide to invest in that shotgun you always wanted to have. A lot of paragraphs can be dedicated to these moron, but for now each community gets just one. Yeah, don’t forget the conversions.

The Hindus

I’ve been told that Hinduism is not a religion, but a way of life. Well for now lets consider it is a religion as a lot of people believe so and I shall be with the masses for once. The Hindus have like a billion gods. They have a lot of pornographic temple carvings too. If you don’t believe me, do go to Hampi (as erotic as the name may sound, its a really nice place) and check out the temples. They are also very very very noisy. Every festival of their will be dedicated to destroying a few amps and scores of loud speakers. These people are not dangerous, but most of the time they are just irritating in the manner they communicate to their gods.

The Muslims

Now a lot of you dumb fucks will start thinking Taliban, 9/11 and 5 bearded guys running towards you with bombs stuck on their chests. Please get this picture out of your head right now. The Muslims are not violent people like the way the media projects them. Yes I do agree there are radicals (like how we RCs have the Vatican :P) but please don’t confuse the radicals with the other normal Muslims. So, the Muslims, they think that their religion is the most superior to all religions. Makes me scratch my head coz I think all religions are crap. They have this agenda that it is their responsibility to save all the kafirs and take them to heaven. According to them Jesus was not the son of God, but a servant of Allah. This statement made some of my Christan friends get upset. The Muslims pray a lot and follow the Quran like nothing else in the world is the truth.  But they make amazing Biryani and Haleem (which tastes superb when you are drunk).

More rants

So I was home a few weeks back and mentioned to my mother that I’ve been reading the Quran. She was like, “What the shit!” Well I’ve been reading it just to know what’s up with my Muslim friends, to get to know their side of the story and also coz the Bhagwat Gita is too freaking boring.

So my mom was like, “Wheres your Scapular?”.
I was like, “Er, it broke, but its there somewhere.”
“I have a new one for you.”

Now I’m back to wearing my scapular. Not just coz I wanna show off that I’m RC, but also because I think its like really sexy to wear a scapular. So now you see me wearing the scapular around my neck and notice people going, “What the fuck is that black shit?!”

The “Real” Religion

Metal!!! \m/

Long time ago, lets say around 8-9 years back, when I was in the prime of my puberty and wondering why my testicles were getting so hairy, a new religion starting to engulf my soul. It included a lot of hair (stop thinking of my testicles), a lot of beard, tattoos and a lot of screaming and growling. No I’m referring to bestiality, I’m referring to Metal. The Music. The Real Savior!

Of course over a period of time it went from the the nice commercial stuff that even the wannabes listen to, to stuff like Meshuggah that 90% of you dumb fucks don’t understand.

Metal is an acquired religion. You either get it or you don’t. I also know that almost all of you will not watch the complete video that has been posted above, but that’s alright, I’m not forcing my religion upon you.

If you land up watching the video, you will wonder why and how can I listen and watch this shit. Let me stress upon a tiny fact, that childhood trauma is the worst, and it will always come back to haunt you. Remember, I mentioned before that the charismatic meetings where like a metal concert? As a kid I heard a priest/preacher screaming into a mic. Now I hear the band’s singer doing so. As a kid I heard the hymns that I never understood. Now I hear complicated guitar riffs and time signatures that goes over my head. As a kid the preacher would suddenly go crazy. Now the singer suddenly goes crazy. As a kid I saw people faint, fall and act weird. Now I see people in moshpits, they fall, they crowd surf, they act weird. As a kid I would look around and think, “What the fuck!” Now I look around and think, “Yeah, what the fuck!”

And you think I’m not religious?

PS: Comments that directly offend any religious community will be deleted at my discretion.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing to you. Mr. Peter Davis. All the stuff below is from him. Enjoy.

I knew I shouldn’t have fallen for the old ‘get 1 ticket and get another free’ scheme. But I figured, I’d try it out anyways. Since, I would be flying to Kerala, I thought I would pay for one way and get the return free!! Woohoo! *NOT*.

I mean, I know there’s the usual fuel surcharges, pilot’s tip, tax, air-hostess MAC kit charge and all that shit, but I still thought I’d only pay half the price.

Yeah sure, who was I kidding?

As soon as I booked the ongoing ticket, I got a prompt mail from Cleartrip.

Your “Free Ticket” Coupon

Hey there! Congrats on booking your ticket with us and as we promised – here are the coupon(s) that can take you on a “free flight”!

IMPORTANT: Please read the instructions below carefully on redeeming the coupon(s) before proceeding. There are some restrictions on the usage of coupons.

This is where it starts to get messed up. I should have known when they put Free Tickets within double quotes.

Like I mentioned before, 1 way ticket costs 3k (approx) . Now the conditions stated that I should use only a Spice Jet Flight for redeeming the coupons.

Normal Flights from Hyd to Ker route is…well Hyd to Ker

BUT

Spice Jet gives me the privelge of travelling to Mumbai, get stranded in the Mumbai airport for 2 hours and then fly back to Hyderabad. Awesome! All this for Rs.18,765 only. ( I’ve always wondered why they put an only after huge amounts).

But hey! I don’t have to pay this, cos I am eligible for the “Buy 1 ticket and get a load of shit free” offer.

I now have to pay 5000 Rs only and add to that a 2 hour layover in Mumbai. Perfect! #fml

I said ‘Fuck this shit’, I’m going to get around their scheme. Since I will be going to Mumbai next month, I figured, I’d use this coupon to “redeem” my “free flight”, since there are direct flight’s from Mumbai to Hyderabad.

Guess what! I got around this shitty scheme. I now get a whole 100 Rs. off! #fml

Oh Paulo Coelho, why? Why did you do this to me?!

I don’t normally do book review or things of that sort, but The Alchemist was one of those best sellers that I had heard of and I just had to read. I managed to get my hands on a nice pirated copy of it and thought to myself, ‘Now I shall read this shit and I can converse with the masses on what a great book it is.’ Or so I thought!

Now, if you are a Paulo Coelho fan, or if you are Paulo Coelho himself, you may be offended with what you are going to read next. So let me warn you, like I always do, this post may really hurt your feelings. Let me also warn you that I’m gonna save all you aspiring readers from reading the book by telling you what happens in a few paragraphs. So you may thank me at the end.

In my hand was the great book. I start reading it. Some dude staring into a lake of some sort and all that jazz. Out of this world kinda stuff. Paulo, you are bending my mind. You are awesome! The reviews said it is a book that would change my life. ‘Change my life’ it did. I almost gave up reading.

The story is about this young shepherd who takes his sheep around Spain I guess, and keeps dreaming non stop. He sees Egypt in his dream and some treasure is to be found and all that jazz. Amazing setup. Young boy, seeks glory, has sheep, ready to travel. Brilliant! Lets name him Mr. Dumb Ass. Oh wait, he is Spanish, we shall baptize him Senior Culo Tonto.

So Culo Tonto, stud man sexy Spaniard that he is, decides to go to some fancy place to sheer his sheep in front of some rich mofo and say, “Ola Senorita” to the mofo’s chica. Culo supposedly is in love with this chica. But no! He meets some smart ass old man on the way who I bet got a lot of chicas in his glory days (coz he is some kinda king), who convinces Culo to give him his sheep and says, “Go chase your dream tiger, grrrr.” And Culo was on his way. Les Pyramids, here I come. What happened to the  chica no one knows. I bet the smart ass old king kong musta shown her some shamalama ding dong and lets not go any further.

Oh yes, king kong also gave Culo a couple of his shiny nuts. He pulled em off his chest plate. Some kinda shut. I guess its some Spanish tradition or something. I don’t really know why so much fuss was made over this scene considering that those nuts were not even used anywhere in the book. Okay, they did fall a couple of times, so what?

Culo is now on his way to the great Pyramids. Ambitious dumb **** that he is, he gets robbed and decides to stay at some lousy town and work till he can make money to buy sheep. Lots goes on here. Our Culo Tonto becomes Gran Culo Tonto and somehow he and this shopkeeper make some monies and Culo is back on track.

Culo then thinks, screw these sheep. I’m going to Les Pyramids! He now has to cross the desert. Which is a long boring journey with other men. Like when did the Spanish men start hanging out with men? Somewhere here I think I thought of committing suicide, but no! I had to read the book! It was going to change my life. I bet the life changing scene would be at the end. So read I did.

Somewhere and somehow all these men land up at an oasis. And voila what do they find? Chica #2 (and dates and water too). Chica #2 is equally dumb as Culo. We shall get back to her in a moment. Now everyone is chilling at the oasis, you know, smoking up their weed, abusing in Arabic, having a good time while doing their own shit. Until Culo decides to take a walk and sees two hawks flying in the sky. One hawk kills the other and Culo goes psycho. He tells the dude who runs the show at the oasis that they are gonna be attacked. Like who gives a shit in the first place?!

Chica #2. She comes to know that Culo is going see Les Pyramids and gets all senti. But says that she is a ‘woman of the desert’ and she will wait for him. Like yeah right. She gets all upset and watches him leave.

On the way to Les Pyramids, Culo (and his friend, some Alchemist guy) get robbed by some bad men. Who make Culo talk to the wind and the sun. Real dumb scene this was. Like I pushed my imagination to the limit but still could not figure out what problem the sun had with the wind. But the two were like having this face off in the middle of the desert (like its not already hot enough) and then Culo is the stud man again.

Back to seeing Les Pyramids!

So stud man Culo the Spaniard is back with his Alchemist friend and the two are en route. But Alchemist dude suddenly decides to pull back and like as though it was some kinda movie scene, he lets Culo go on alone from now on. So our man is now almost near Les Pyramids, he sees them and then starts digging a hole. And… and… and.. tada!!! He gets mugged. And for the third time Culo the dumb ass gets robbed. Oh, and if I forgot to mention, he did not find any treasure.

He comes back to Spain, to the spot where he had the dream and finds some stash there. Amen. Life changing book!! My culata!

Oh and Culo is an Alchemist to.

Somebody stab me for Christ’s sake!!

I was sitting and wondering what to do. Thought I’d start editing some photos but then I was feeling too lazy. Thought I’d stalk the hot chick who stays opposite our place, but then I think her guy was over. So then again I thought I’d open up Picasa and edit some photos, and lo and behold I came across some photos that I had clicked long back when I was in Goa.

As always, like a good author, I’d like to throw a disclaimer at your face saying the content that you are about to read and the photos that you are about to see may be very disturbing and offensive, so please read on (you bet you wanna) at your own discretion. Having said that let me dive into the crap that I titled (drum roll) – “The Shit We Eat”.

First lets get to know the “We” in picture. We would be, my people, my family. Basically the Goan family. We eat a lot of shit that you people would not even think were edible. If it moves we eat it. If it’s on my plate, smelling good and tasting even better, we eat it. If it’s not tasting good, we make it taste good and then we eat it.

Below is a photo of my mom at the butchers shop at the Mapusa Market in Goa.

Now please do not be offended if you see your God’s leg hanging and being bargained over. That shit tastes real good. It may smell bad there hanging from a hook, blood dripping (which is good, fresh) from it. But now imagine that shit, on your plate smelling awesome and tasting real good. How do I explain that?!

I think we bought some cow’s tongue that day. Yes we eat tongue. Name the animal, state if it got tongue or not, send it through the kitchen and we are eating it next thing. Didn’t I just say, if it moves we eat it? Well the tongue is lying somewhere in the butcher’s shop. If you are a regular, you get the best meat and the other body part will be available on request.

Cow is just one of those poor animals that make it to our kitchen. Pig being the other regular. Will dissect the pig later and let you know what we do with that. For now, and as far as my knowledge is concerned, I shall try and recollect what all have made it onto my plate, into my stomach and now resides in our septic tank. Cow, pig, tortoise, swine, deer, camel, porcupine, duck, frog, goat, sheep, rabbit (?) and a lot more I guess. Even if I had to eat human, I’d eat as long as it tasted good.

Now I know all you People for Animals, Save our Animals and ‘OMFG I dunno why I’m an animal activist’ people might really hate me by now, but how do you expect me to control my hunger for blood. It’s the freaking Goan food chain. Eat the meat else be banished from the family. Yes, I’ve seen all those PETA websites and advertisements, and yes, I fell sorry for the manner in which the animals are treated. And, let me stress on this, no one has the right to slam an animal on its head and kill it. That’s really bad. But at the end of the day, the meat eaters are not gonna stop eating meat.

Alright, now to the real shit that we eat. Its pig and its called ‘Sorpotel‘. Wikipedia threw up some bullshit and I could not find any relevant information, so now I’m gonna share the graphic recipe of preparing the all so famous, Sorpotel.

Ingredients:

1 pig (piglet will do too, depending on the number of hungry people waiting to eat)
A few Goan women (mothers preferred, grandmothers a bonus)
A few Goan men (to catch and kill the fucking pig in the first place)

Now that we have what takes to get this shit started, lets dig into the details and learn how to catch the fucking pig.

A typical Goan house would consist of a front yard, the house, the family pet running around, a well and a nice spacious backyard. Now, this is the typical Goan house. Most of the house are not so typical, like our. The front yard is so fucked up that there is no front yard. I’m gonna fucking break that shit and make a front yard, but don’t let my pop know, not while he is alive at least. The house would be this thick walled stone structure that’s like really high and with a tiled roof. Tiles are sexy. Concrete is fuck all. The family pet could be a cat, a dog or the neighbor’s dog. The back yard, and yes we got this fucking shit right. It’s this awesome huge area with a well, a lot of plants and trees and enough of space to keep animals that we can kill and eat some day.

So the typical house would have a back yard with hens, pigs, snakes and sometimes cows too. Now we never had cows but yes we did have a pig and we baptized that fucker ‘Slayer’ and slay he did. Mother fucker listened to heavy metal and head banged and threw the horns at the neighbors pig. Satan was there in our back yard. The sty was the moshpit.

Well, seems like I got a bit carried away and drifted way outa topic. Okay, now that we have a back yard and a pig. Lets get on to “How to kill the mother fucker”.

How to kill the mother fucker

First, make sure all the exits of the back yard are closed. Make sure the back door is closed too. You don’t wanna sacrifice the swine in the bed room. Not that its uncool, more because you don’t wanna have blood all over the walls. Once the exits are sealed, get hold of some of the local butchers. These guys can be found at the local bars or ghados (tea/snack stalls). If you cant locate one of these dudes, just leave a word at the bar or local joint and the dude will show up at your door step. Lets baptize him as Pig Killer.

Pig killer will show up at your back door and take you by surprise. Most of the time you and the whole village know the pig killer, so lets make it clear that he is not dangerous and he will not rob your house even if its unlocked. Pig killer will come, have a look at the pig and then go for a walk. In his absence, the women in the house will keep the knives, utensils, etc ready. Pig killer will go and get a few more men depending on the size of the pig. He will also smoke a few cigarettes have a few pegs of the local liquor and then turn up at your door step once again. Now, its not a bad thing to have stinking men roam around the village, its actually very cool and part of the culture. Our drunken men happen to be very nice and effective.

Pig killer (and his men) will survey the area. Pig by now knows that he’s gonna fucking die. Pig radar and telepathic pig signals from kilometers away (even from other villages) have already informed pig that the stinky Pig killer is here to kill him. Pig goes into defensive mode. Pig surveys the backyard for exit points. Pig killer sharpens knives. The stove in the kitchen is lit up. Water is set to boil. Pig killer approaches pig. Pig’s defensive mode turns into panic mode. Chaos breaks lose, pig shoots towards the exit, pig killer chases pig, pig killer’s supporters distract pig, pig gets scared, runs into the wall, tries to jump, no hope, runs back, runs around the back yard. Pig killer and associates corner pig. Pig makes a dash and tries to run past them, pig killer manages to grab hold of pig. Associates jump in and pig killer ties up pigs legs. The squealing can be heard kilometers away, other pigs mourn the what would be the demise of one of theirs for the sake of a family meal. Pig is properly tied up and brought to a stone or step where what would next be the cutting of the neck.

Seeing that pig is all tied up, the women of the house brings out a bowl of hot water and another bowl to collect the pigs blood. No this is not for some voodoo or mumbo jumbo ritual, its to add to the taste of the what would become sorpotel.

(Lovell D’souza is hungy now, he steps out for dinner.)

Pig killer now has a tight grip on pigs snout, his knee digs into pig’s body disabling any moves that pig could throw at him. And, in one clean swipe with precision that would impress the best of surgeons, pig’s neck is slit.

(Please stand and observe two minutes of silence for pig.)

Pig’s blood is collected in the utensil. This is taken to the kitchen. Pig dies in a few minutes and Pig killer loosens his grip. The hot water is poured onto pig so that the hair is loosened up. With a blade, most of the time a Wilkinson, pig is cleaned and ready to be chopped up. The chopping part happens in the open, amidst the other animals including the neighbor’s kids. This is a very important event in the life of a Goan child. The killing of a pig is a significant symbolic act depicting the beginning of a family feast. Oh yes, it also makes you immune to those PETA vidoes on Facebook and YouTube. Now, I’m not saying don’t kill the animals. Kill them. But kill them with respect, like the way Pig killer does.

Pig’s body by now is fully chopped up. Pig killer will chop pig up as per the instructions of the woman of the house. The only part of the pig that does not go into the Sorpotel are the pigs hooves. Or wait, maybe they do. I’ll have to ask my mom. Anyway, then entire pig is chopped up and all the body parts are ready to be cooked. The heart, kidneys, lungs, brain, intestines all form an essential part of the all so great Sorpotel.

Intestines get a little more attention compared to other body parts. Mainly because, well er, they fucking lead to the asshole. Now pig would surely shit when he sees Pig killer, but some shit would of course be lying there, deep down at the end of the lower intestine just waiting to make it onto your plate. But, NO! The intestines are nicely cleaned and the food, shit, etc is pushed out and what we are left with are nice, clean, washed intestines. Yay!

How to cook this shit

The women set the kitchen abuzz. Pig is now ready to make it onto the stove. I’m not going to go into these details, so please refer to the recipe link on top. Oh did I forget to mention, I hate the smell that it emits when being cooked.

The conclusion

Oh wait, did I forget to mention? I don’t eat Sorpotel. That shit fucking stinks and tastes like fucking shit!

A couple of weeks back, 6 not-so-young boys decided to battle the floods, the land slides and head off to the extreme right of Mother India. Arunachal Pradesh was the destination. After this amazing outa this world mind fucking intro I shall now get straight to the point. This is about that part where we go from Assam to the Arunachal border only to find some fucking short Arunachal men waiting to beat us up. This post will also document how we got the ‘permit’ thanks to the all so great scavenger of the the season, Mr. Mukesh Mukhi.

Yes, 6 young boys jump into a Sumo at Guwahati ready to hit the road and explore Arunachal Pradesh (AP). Now for some trivia on AP. Nice sexy state lying on the right sharing borders with Bhutan, Burma and China. If India were ever to punch China in the nuts, AP would be put to the job. Now China’s and India’s love for AP is so immense, that there was this battle some few decades back. Some Chines dudes were like, “Neehaw, we is going to takes the AP to China!” And, India was like, “Fuck that shit, we are keeping our momos.” All this meant we needed a damn permit to enter AP else if we were to die, we’d be buried in Bangladesh.

Now we could get this permit from some dude in Tezpur. I’m not really sure who he was, but he surely was some smart ass important government official and he had to sign the damn permit stating that 6 suicidal boys have expressed immense pleasure and interest in entering AP. If they were to die we will take them off the Indian head count. It also stated that no one will give no shit and we would be served under the name of some exotic meal at some Chinese cafeteria.

Mr. Someone Important who had to provide us the papers had gone somewhere to do something that somehow nobody gave a shit about. Basically that meant we were at his house in the middle of the night ringing the bell only to be looked at by a locked door. We were like fuck him (actually we had no option), lets just go to Bhalukpong (the Assam and AP border), spend the night there and then figure out what to do the next morning.

And off we were. Now that I’ve given you a whole lot of boring bull, let get straight to the jazz.

Location: Bhalukpong. Assam – AP Border
Time: Sometime around 9 pm
The Scene: Heavily armed army personnel, a lot of police and really short locals

Our sumo stops at the check-post. Army guys head over to scan the vehicle. We step out and look around.
One army guy comes up to me and says, “We were told that some people in a silver sumo were clicking photos.”
I was like, “Er, yes. That might be us.”
Army guy, “Come with me, there are some people who want  to talk to you guys. Call the driver also.”

Fuck, what’s gonna happen now? As soon as I reach the police check-post, one really tiny local fucker starts jumping and pointing the shit at me and goes ballistic. I was like wtf, hope the other guys are behind me, I’m gonna fucking shit in my pants if I don’t have support.

Tiny fucker goes on with some jazz yelling some shit which sounded to me like I just eloped with his new born calf. Army guys, cops, tiny fucker and his associate, me and Rahul Rishi are there. A crowd builds around us. Fucking scene. Get me outa this shit someone. I want my mommy.

Tiny fucker to the cops, “Someone in the back of the sumo was clicking photos of us and on top of that they did not allow us to over take. They blocked out vehicle.”
Rahul to cop, “No Sir, it was not us. We were just clicking photos of ourselves.”
Tiny fucker, “He’s fucking lying, there were two people in the back of the sumo. Him (me) and him (pointing to Mukesh).”

Suddenly a bell goes off in my head.

Flashback: Mud road. Back wheels kicking up some sexy dirt. Headlights behind us flashing. Amazing photograph it would make. Out came the bad ass Canon EOS 1000D. The cheapest in the EOS series. Click, click, click, click. Review, review, delete, review. I’m fucking awesome. Photoshop here I come.

Ah fuck man. Shut the fuck up tiny fucker.

Me to cop, “Yes, I did click some photos while we were on the road.”
Cop, “Get your camera. Lets have a look.”

I head back to the vehicle and get back my camera. Tiny fucker goes berserk again pointing to the camera, point to me, saying some shit. Fuck you tiny fucker. I show the photos to the cop. Tiny fucker start to point and yelp again seeing his headlight in the photograph.

Tiny fucker, “That headlight, that’s our car. That out light. He fucking captured the light from our car without asking our fucking permission. That’s against the laws of AP. Kill the Goan fucker who looks like a Sardar.”
Cop, “Okay fine, delete these photos.”
Me, “Okay, sure (I don’t wanna fuck around with tiny fucker).”
Tiny fucker, “Now, become a Murga (video) and say sorry.”
Me, “Dude, I’m sorry man I’ve deleted your photos, isn’t that okay.” (But the fuck I’m gonna do a murga for you mother fucker, fuck you).
Cop, “It’s okay, let him go, they are tourists, they don’t know of you fucking nonsense.”
Tiny fucker, “yelp yelp yelp murga yelp yelp.”

Thanking my stars, I walk away from the scene. In the meanwhile our man, Vignesh ‘I dont know a single fucking word in Hindi’ Anand was conversing with an army guy, in Hindi! I was like wtf are those two talking about.

Vignesh, “Abba abba, amma. Thank God you guys came I don’t know wtf that dude was talking about.”

What he did manage to derive from the conversation was that all AP people are psycho and that they only want to pick fights and the army does not involve tiffs between civilians, else he would’ve beaten the AP shit outa the AP guy.

While all this shit was going on and while everyone were thanking their respective Gods the great Mukesh Mukhi comes and announces that he got the permit. How he got the permit, who he spoke to, what he did will never be known. But all we know is that he did get the permit and all it required was to have our fucking names on it and we were off to AP.

And this is what took us in.