2008
02.11

I know I’m Indian if…

  1. I find a government building to spit my Paan [red beetle nut sweet] on.
  2. My country goes into state mourning if the cricket team loses a match.
  3. I throw my garbage in the middle of the road [public places].
  4. I go pick someone else’s garbage, wash it, and reuse it.
  5. When I look at women I only think of sex.
  6. My browser’s homepage is a pornographic website.
  7. I reserve a bus/train [public transport] seat with my handkerchief.
  8. My accent changes the minute I get my visa.
  9. I wash cars in Canada, but I’m a software engineer to my Indian relatives.
  10. I’m obsessed with white skinned sexy women.
  11. I write/draw perverted content on public walls.
  12. I give money to beggars hoping that I get more [money] from God
  13. I go to the temple to find a new pair of shoes.
  14. I don’t get any of my work done without having to bribe someone.
  15. I condemn all the systems, even after having bribed half the people who get my things done.
  16. My driving license was gifted to me by my uncle’s friend for my twelfth birthday.
  17. My electric power supply is provided by my neighbors meter.
  18. I borrow my friend’s bike and make sure to empty the fuel tank before returning it.
  19. I believe in politics at work rather than hard work.
  20. My neighbor’s house is my garbage bin.
  21. I travel in public transport without a ticket.
  22. I do not vote.
  23. My God is Rajnikanth [film actor]
  24. My news channel show me breaking news the whole day [and night].
  25. I cross the roads along with cows.
  26. My wife buys gold on her evening walk.
  27. I go for morning walks to watch hot women jogging.
  28. My car driver is my newspaper.
  29. I eat with the same hand I cleaned my nose with.
  30. My Neighbours grandaunt is the voodoo doctor.
  31. Others think that I believe in 3,263 superstitions.
  32. I bathe in the worlds most dirtiest river the Ganga [with all due respect] to cleanse my soul.
  33. I try to cheat foreign tourists on the street.
  34. I enter the ladies compartment in the local train.
  35. I think that ladies seats are for all people in the buses.
  36. I enter crouded buses just to rub myself against hot women.
  37. Every 8th person is an MBA.
  38. I go abroad to study because I can’t get admissions in my own country. And I devote 80% of my time working part-time, just to pay back the massive student loan.
  39. I think of marrying and American woman to get my green card.
  40. I burn my own house to get the insurance money.
  41. Family planning is a sin to me, as children are God’s gift.
  42. I fall sick to watch a cricket game.
  43. I keep the box my mobile phone came in, even after selling my phone, just because I liked the packing. [Materialism]
  44. All half the people around me are Behanchoot’s.
  45. I get a national holiday for an India-Pakistan cricket match.
  46. I lose my virginity two days after marriage, after getting proper instructions from my friends.
  47. I go to my neighbors house to watch tv, just to keep my electricity bill low.
  48. I miscall my friends when I want to talk to them.
  49. I go on a honeymoon with my whole family.
  50. I drink cows urine and heal my wounds with it.
  51. talking about sex is taboo but the country has the largest population in the world.
  52. I skip red lights and make user to park in no parking zones.
  53. I am an Indian when i congratulate on someones birthday, and say same to you when someone wishes me birthday.
  54. I don’t know the meaning of one way.
  55. I push the door when its meant to pull.
  56. I go to shopping malls for window shopping and interviewing the salesman.
  57. Any space is a parking space for my vehicle.
  58. I hate other religion but people think i am a secular.

and feel free to add you own..

6 comments so far

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  1. lame

  2. Hey man, I don’t even care..

  3. and so the slave speaks….. are we expecting a rebellion this time from the colonising slaves???

  4. haha..
    You know what?
    Thats EXACTLY what most foreigners think about India too… Pity… :)
    Half of its so true.. and the other half’s also true.. but a bit off-beat.. I’ve never heard the river one before.. Washing in the dirtiest river to cleanse your soul..:)

  5. yeah.. sadly thats how it is!
    Long live India!! But Indians will die young!
    Amen..

  6. fortunately …all true