2008
05.23

This is from the archives of the original Lovell Dies Crapsite. Posted on 08 Aug 2004.

There are times when people open up n say things you don’t want to hear, yet you have to; just because it’s the truth. Agents of Lovell Dies Crapsite kidnapped renowned Right Attacking Midfielder Babushin D’souza , tortured him, beat him up royally n made him speak the truth. And this is the ‘Truth’…

Lovell Dies Crapsite (LDC): So you’re that midfielder who causes problems to all the defenses. Isn’t it?

Babushin D’souza (RD): Who, Me?

LDC: Answer to the point!

BD: Yes, yes it’s me.

LDC: So why are you so good?

BD: I’ve been playing from a young age….

LDC (throwing hot water into RD’s face): SPEAK THE TRUTH!!!

BD (now in agonizing pain): NO!….I’ve been in the SESA Football Academy.

LDC: For how long?

BD: Two years.

LDC: And before that?

BD: I’ve always been playing for the school team……..St. Britto High…..

LDC (cutting in): OK, spare the details. What did they make you do in the SESA Academy?

BD: They made us practiced very hard.

LDC (threatening to throw another mug of hot water): That’s the truth?

BD: Yes.

LDC (throwing the mug of hot water on him): THE TRUTH!! AND IN DETAIL!!!

BD (scared and in pain): No, no, they gave is performance enhancing drugs. Nadronaline to be specific. Two doses daily. We were also injected with hormones so that our body would be able to get to a point of optimality. They also mixed some other drugs in our food. We were treated like animals.

LDC: Don’t blame the academy. It’s your fault for joining it. Now for who are you playing?

BD: PVC Parra.

LDC: I heard you’ll don’t win…….

BD (interrupting): That’s because of our goalkeeper.

LDC (fuming with anger): DON’T SPEAK IN BETWEEN N DON’T BLAME THE GOALKEEPER. LOUSY MORON. All you fowards n midfielders do is blame the goalkeeper for your lousy performances. Leave that aside, now what are your plans for the future?

BD: I don’t know.

LDC (pointing a gun to his temple): Better decide, right now.

BD: Er, may be……er…..

Suddenly a ‘Roterio’ ball comes zooming into the room, hits theLDC Agent’s hand n knocks off the gun. The Agent is shocked. He looks around but can’t see anyone. Another ball zooms into the room n hits the Agent on the head, leaving him unconscious on the floor. Babushin looks up n sees Zinedine Zidane n Luis Figo standing at the far end of the room.

BD (stunned): What the……?

Zinedine Zidane (In French): Nous sommes ta ‘saviours’. (We are your saviors).

Luis Figo (he knows English): Yes! You are our future. Our successor in the Midfield.

BD: But how did you’ll manage to save me?

LF: If haven’t noticed, this room does not have a roof. And, my good friend her (pointing to Zidane) managed to curl the ball over the roof n knock the gun off his hand (pointing to The Agent, who was now totally motionless).

BD: But how did the second ball come in?

ZZ: Oui, il bute la futbol par…….

LF (interrupting): Shut Up man, let me do the talking, you do the kicking. Ya, the second ball, I kicked it through the wall.

BD: Oh that’s how all this happened.

ZZ n Figo untie Babushin n then the three of them go to the corner of the room to celebrate their achievement. Unfortunately there was no flag so they pull their jerseys over their heads and start running around the room. While all this was happening, the Agent comes back to his senses, picks up his gun and shoots the threesome. That’s becauseThe Lovell Dies Crapsite always wins in end, by hook, crook or by gun.

(Spare the insults if it wasn’t that funny – Lovelldies).

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  1. reading this now is, its quite funny. :P