The old table. The old hall. The massive windows. The damp roof tiles. The generations of relatives sealed in frames, hanging from the walls looking down upon me and thinking “Shame on him. Didn’t make the family name proud.” Hey wait a min, I did. May be they took that back.

Meet Tommy [the female family feline]. Some say she’s 25+ years old. I’ll keep her at 23, coz from photographic evidence she existed when my sis was a kid, before I was born. I stick my foot out for the usual feline meets master greeting. She rubs her head against my foot. I’m still king of the pride. Tommy acknowledges that. Until my sis drops by and steals me off my throne. How can that kitty leave me and run to my sis!!! Duh!! Whatever pussy cat. Big deal!!

The black t-shirts have turned into makeshift doormats. I’m wondering how could my mom degrade the metal collection!! Aahh.. but I guess thats ok. Even the great Slayer t-shirt was not spared. That one has been torn into bits. The Nirvana collection has survived the onslaught. They lie folded in the cupboard.

The metal cassette collection has survived. The pirated CD’s survived too. The rains kick in. I listen to Alice In Chains for a change. Grunge kicks in. Finding a signal for Airtel in the house is a challenge in itself. The signal boosting ironing board does not help anymore. Last resort is defined by leaving the phone at the window risking it getting robbed.

I walk out. I see fields. I smell fresh air. I see birds. Coconut trees transform the simple village road into an aisle. Feels like a red carpet has been laid out for me. Well all over the place tell me I never have to worry bout taps running dry. Home it is. It’s not necessarily the beaches that everyone thinks about when you mention Goa.

I head out to the Baga creek. I spot the Cross where Ryan [Babushin] and I used to hang out discussing crap. I recognize the spot where Donn, Russell [Yoyo] and I used to come fishing and manage only to catch crabs. The total number of crabs caught till date tallies to 1. I pass by the ground where our U-19 team used to train. The same ground where I learned to dive and catch a football in mid air. The same ground where I once left a lousy goal and our team lost.

I meet my good old friend Srijay aka Byclops aka Peekachooooo. We head of to Lan Lords. We thought the place was shut down. We find it open. Once owned by the fearsome Homo Sapien Maleous clan, now left to rot with some school boys. The gaming place is dying a slow death. Never-the-less we frag against some bots. Get ripped initially. We rip them back after a while. Srij still got the superfast killer reflexes. I still kick bot with moi mag. The clan needs a reunion.

Srij and I drop by Vrundavan. The evening restaurant where a lot of things were always discussed. Most visited by Lesley and me. Often accompanied by Evelyn, Srijay, Suneet and Prashanti. We attack the regular. Chillies, bhel, shev puri, tea and coffee are consumed. We call Les just to let him know we are re-living the moment and he is missing out on a lot of stuff, only to get a barrage of abuses in return. Good ‘ol days. Les, the abuser. Abuses everyone and everything.

We head back home. I’m home…

- Jolene [Whenever I do some crap]

…………………………………………………………………………

FAATTLLIIAAANNN!!!

- Joaquim aka Maddogg.. [During Counter Strike night sessions, when taking a guy down from behind]
- Fatlian = Behind [In Konkani]

…………………………………………………………………………

Paul, you should run to the front of the aircraft, bang on the cockpit door and scream “ALLAH HOO AKBAR”!!

- Jayasree to Paul [On the aircraft from Hyderabad to Chennai]

…………………………………………………………………………

If we both direct our susu onto the same spot on this wall, maybe we could make a hole in it!

- Me, to Srijay [On a late night gaming session when we decided to pee on a wall instead of using the toilet]

…………………………………………………………………………

Aaj mera Bad Luck hi kharab hai!

- Random Guy on Bombay road.

…………………………………………………………………………

Tejal: I’m hungry.
Lovell: I’m Lovell.

- Me [Everytime Tejal says she’s hungry]

…………………………………………………………………………

Bring your own towel, your own bedsheet and your own underwear.. I won’t allow you to wear mine!

- Lesley [On me going to Bengaluru for the Megadeth/Machinehead concert]

…………………………………………………………………………

Chooiiiieee!! [Can be used multiple times, mostly used by me]

- Once used by players of our PVC team.
- If used by goalkeeper it means: Fall back there is a free foward lurking around
- If used by foward: Pass the ball, I’m free
- If used by midfielder: Be alert goddammitt!!!

…………………………………………………………………………

When I don’t call home for quite a while.
Mama: You’re not even calling to inquire how we are, what if we were dead?
Me: If you’ll died I’d get the news anyway!

…………………………………………………………………………

Me: Gimme a kiss.
Luanne: No!
Me: Gimme two kisses.
Luanne: NOOOO!!!
Me: Ok, either gimme two kisses on the left cheek or one kiss on the right cheek.
Luanne (after little thinking): I’ll give you one kiss.
(I get my kiss.)
Me: Haha, I fooled you!
Luanne: Mamaaaaa…!!!!!

…………………………………………………………………………

Kya bhanawat hai!!!

- John in the US, when some super hot woman passed our path.

…………………………………………………………………………

There are times when people open up n say things you don’t want to hear, yet you have to; just because it’s the truth. Agents of Lovell Dies Crapsite kidnapped renowned Right Attacking Midfielder Babushin D’souza , tortured him, beat him up royally n made him speak the truth. And this is the ‘Truth’…

Lovell Dies Crapsite (LDC): So you’re that midfielder who causes problems to all the defenses. Isn’t it?

Babushin D’souza (RD): Who, Me?

LDC: Answer to the point!

BD: Yes, yes it’s me.

LDC: So why are you so good?

BD: I’ve been playing from a young age….

LDC (throwing hot water into RD’s face): SPEAK THE TRUTH!!!

BD (now in agonizing pain): NO!….I’ve been in the SESA Football Academy.

LDC: For how long?

BD: Two years.

LDC: And before that?

BD: I’ve always been playing for the school team……..St. Britto High…..

LDC (cutting in): OK, spare the details. What did they make you do in the SESA Academy?

BD: They made us practiced very hard.

LDC (threatening to throw another mug of hot water): That’s the truth?

BD: Yes.

LDC (throwing the mug of hot water on him): THE TRUTH!! AND IN DETAIL!!!

BD (scared and in pain): No, no, they gave is performance enhancing drugs. Nadronaline to be specific. Two doses daily. We were also injected with hormones so that our body would be able to get to a point of optimality. They also mixed some other drugs in our food. We were treated like animals.

LDC: Don’t blame the academy. It’s your fault for joining it. Now for who are you playing?

BD: PVC Parra.

LDC: I heard you’ll don’t win…….

BD (interrupting): That’s because of our goalkeeper.

LDC (fuming with anger): DON’T SPEAK IN BETWEEN N DON’T BLAME THE GOALKEEPER. LOUSY MORON. All you fowards n midfielders do is blame the goalkeeper for your lousy performances. Leave that aside, now what are your plans for the future?

BD: I don’t know.

LDC (pointing a gun to his temple): Better decide, right now.

BD: Er, may be……er…..

Suddenly a ‘Roterio’ ball comes zooming into the room, hits theLDC Agent’s hand n knocks off the gun. The Agent is shocked. He looks around but can’t see anyone. Another ball zooms into the room n hits the Agent on the head, leaving him unconscious on the floor. Babushin looks up n sees Zinedine Zidane n Luis Figo standing at the far end of the room.

BD (stunned): What the……?

Zinedine Zidane (In French): Nous sommes ta ’saviours’. (We are your saviors).

Luis Figo (he knows English): Yes! You are our future. Our successor in the Midfield.

BD: But how did you’ll manage to save me?

LF: If haven’t noticed, this room does not have a roof. And, my good friend her (pointing to Zidane) managed to curl the ball over the roof n knock the gun off his hand (pointing to The Agent, who was now totally motionless).

BD: But how did the second ball come in?

ZZ: Oui, il bute la futbol par…….

LF (interrupting): Shut Up man, let me do the talking, you do the kicking. Ya, the second ball, I kicked it through the wall.

BD: Oh that’s how all this happened.

ZZ n Figo untie Babushin n then the three of them go to the corner of the room to celebrate their achievement. Unfortunately there was no flag so they pull their jerseys over their heads and start running around the room. While all this was happening, the Agent comes back to his senses, picks up his gun and shoots the threesome. That’s becauseThe Lovell Dies Crapsite always wins in end, by hook, crook or by gun.

(Spare the insults if it wasn’t that funny - Lovelldies).

December 5th 2003, a quiet evening, stars in the sky, Christmas carols echoing throughout the neighborhood. Not always does the day come when metal fans get what they want, when dopers get what they need, when starved unnourished souls get vitamins and syrups, and when people get sacrificed. A weird atmosphere engulfed the surroundings of BTF - 6, Chandranath Apartments, Mapusa.

Not many people were there. Just a few, a few who mattered were present. Just around six people excluding the host. Three rockers and three dopers, of which all were hungry - some for food, others for blood. There was no special Birthday Cake, the only thing that did get cut was the birthday boy, and man he did bleed hard. Blood splattered all around the house, the victim quietly bearing the immense pain. A timely introduction of a waterproof band aid was the savior of the moment.

Initially Sepultura set the ambiance with ‘Roots’. Old friends did some catch up. The script of a movie was reviewed. Then came the dose of Pantera. Rockers head banged and tried to break necks. Though no necks broke, the attempt was worth it. The not so divine intervention of food saved the rockers. Seven people consumed a meal cooked for twenty. With all due respect to the mom who made it possible (Daniel’s mom of course). Those poor chickens who sacrificed their lives for the auspicious day should be now somewhere near the pearly gates of heaven along with the other billions and St. Peter.

Dessert was gobbled down in a matter of seconds. Seven spoons in one single gigantic bowl. The Alphonso mango ice-cream was consumed like a carcass feasted upon by hungry vultures. Then came the period in which all the minds were cooled off and some freaks started to make music videos. A web-cam, a Pentium III, some 256MB RAM made possible some really weird and rather depressing but energetic music videos. Sorry to say that only a limited few will have access to these videos.

What happened next was out of the blues. Four people left. They had had enough. But they went smiling. Left back were three old pals. A rocker, a freak and another rocker. They discussed topics which are too sensitive to be written and tortured and murdered a few mosquitoes. Before long the freak left and one rocker washed dishes, while the other just listen to his shit and offered some shit of his own. The washing of the dishes got over, but the talking went on till around 3:45 am and by 4 am, the two rockers lay dead.

The paramedics took Ralph’s body away. They knew he was dead. There was no hope. Ralph had no chance of being saved. The injuries were severe. His face was torn apart. His skull shattered to pieces. The news teams reach the accident scene and start reporting on how a young 15 year old boy lost his life in a tragic accident. They were not allowed to speak to Jeremy. He just sat there at the accident scene, more like a crime scene to him. He felt the pain of losing his best friend.

—

10 years pass by.

—

Sarah runs her hand through Jeremy’s hair. The two of them sit in the balcony watching the drizzle. Happily married for the past two years, the two of them knew each other as they knew themselves. Or that’s what Sarah might have thought. Her husband was the most loving man she had ever met. He treated her with so much respect, more than she could ever ask for.

Jeremy held Sarah’s hand and said, “I have something to tell you.”

Sarah did not know what to expect. She just smiled and replied, “Go on honey, you know you can tell me anything you want.”
“You remember Ralph, my childhood friend. It’s exactly 10 year since he died. Everyone knows that he died in an accident. But, what I know, no one else does.”
“What do you know?”
“But, before I tell you that, promise me that you will never judge me as a person.”
“You know I would never do that.”
“Then I shall let you know. I haven’t told anyone about this but I’m only letting you know, because I love you so much and I can’t live a lie and keep this secret from you.”

Jeremy tells her what exactly happened that evening. Every minute detail. He could remember it as though it happened a day back. The pain and guilt he had to live with from that day on, was all stored inside him. He was glad he had finally told someone. Someone he loved. Someone who he knew would understand him best.

Hyderabad has been extremely hot off late. Everyone says it’s just the beginning. I thought this was as hot as it gets here. I’m in store for something worse I guess. But out of nowhere this huge grey cloud appear and the weather changes. Now it’s really cool and the breeze is just amazing! I sit in the balcony and decide to work on a small project that I though of. It’s nothing fancy, but I can’t discuss work related stuff here .

It does not seem like it will rain cat and dogs, but the slight drizzle is amazing. The kids from the neighboring building [which is a handshaking distance away] are on the roof enjoying the light rain. They all stop to watch me as I type all this. Dunno what they are discussing, but I guess the jokes on me!

The cloud is starting to move on. I can see the sunlight at a distance. It’s time to call it a wrap. Back to cleaning the room and settling the books now.

Don’t tel the folks, they’l get hyper 4 no reason..

Incase i die enroute or get killed in a moshpit den let the folks kno i died a martyr.

Ur nominee of all my bank accounts so ul be rich. N my company will give you a nice price for my dead body, so collect that and go for world tour..

Ah, and last bury me in the old hall n play EMPTY WORDS by DEATH for my funeral..

And tell my female fan following not to resort to suicide incase i die..

Amen.

And incase i dnt die, i’l bring u back a smelly metal tshirt.”

Secret Confessions
www.secretconfessions.org. It’s a bunch of losers who just let it all out. Cheap crap. The best part is you can go insult. Of course I did not insult, felt sorry for a few people. And i left one of my own confession also for fun

What I loved about this website is that it was so clean and to the point. No ads and clutter and fancy stuff. One of the most neatest UI [User Interface] I have come across.

Even though the website does not have high end design, I just loved the simplicity and ease of use. Plus the company who has made it has used all proper standards.

A must see website. I’m gonna go back and insult some more people there now