The old table. The old hall. The massive windows. The damp roof tiles. The generations of relatives sealed in frames, hanging from the walls looking down upon me and thinking “Shame on him. Didn’t make the family name proud.” Hey wait a min, I did. May be they took that back.

Meet Tommy [the female family feline]. Some say she’s 25+ years old. I’ll keep her at 23, coz from photographic evidence she existed when my sis was a kid, before I was born. I stick my foot out for the usual feline meets master greeting. She rubs her head against my foot. I’m still king of the pride. Tommy acknowledges that. Until my sis drops by and steals me off my throne. How can that kitty leave me and run to my sis!!! Duh!! Whatever pussy cat. Big deal!!

The black t-shirts have turned into makeshift doormats. I’m wondering how could my mom degrade the metal collection!! Aahh.. but I guess thats ok. Even the great Slayer t-shirt was not spared. That one has been torn into bits. The Nirvana collection has survived the onslaught. They lie folded in the cupboard.

The metal cassette collection has survived. The pirated CD’s survived too. The rains kick in. I listen to Alice In Chains for a change. Grunge kicks in. Finding a signal for Airtel in the house is a challenge in itself. The signal boosting ironing board does not help anymore. Last resort is defined by leaving the phone at the window risking it getting robbed.

I walk out. I see fields. I smell fresh air. I see birds. Coconut trees transform the simple village road into an aisle. Feels like a red carpet has been laid out for me. Well all over the place tell me I never have to worry bout taps running dry. Home it is. It’s not necessarily the beaches that everyone thinks about when you mention Goa.

I head out to the Baga creek. I spot the Cross where Ryan [Babushin] and I used to hang out discussing crap. I recognize the spot where Donn, Russell [Yoyo] and I used to come fishing and manage only to catch crabs. The total number of crabs caught till date tallies to 1. I pass by the ground where our U-19 team used to train. The same ground where I learned to dive and catch a football in mid air. The same ground where I once left a lousy goal and our team lost.

I meet my good old friend Srijay aka Byclops aka Peekachooooo. We head of to Lan Lords. We thought the place was shut down. We find it open. Once owned by the fearsome Homo Sapien Maleous clan, now left to rot with some school boys. The gaming place is dying a slow death. Never-the-less we frag against some bots. Get ripped initially. We rip them back after a while. Srij still got the superfast killer reflexes. I still kick bot with moi mag. The clan needs a reunion.

Srij and I drop by Vrundavan. The evening restaurant where a lot of things were always discussed. Most visited by Lesley and me. Often accompanied by Evelyn, Srijay, Suneet and Prashanti. We attack the regular. Chillies, bhel, shev puri, tea and coffee are consumed. We call Les just to let him know we are re-living the moment and he is missing out on a lot of stuff, only to get a barrage of abuses in return. Good ‘ol days. Les, the abuser. Abuses everyone and everything.

We head back home. I’m home…

There are times when people open up n say things you don’t want to hear, yet you have to; just because it’s the truth. Agents of Lovell Dies Crapsite kidnapped renowned Right Attacking Midfielder Babushin D’souza , tortured him, beat him up royally n made him speak the truth. And this is the ‘Truth’…

Lovell Dies Crapsite (LDC): So you’re that midfielder who causes problems to all the defenses. Isn’t it?

Babushin D’souza (RD): Who, Me?

LDC: Answer to the point!

BD: Yes, yes it’s me.

LDC: So why are you so good?

BD: I’ve been playing from a young age….

LDC (throwing hot water into RD’s face): SPEAK THE TRUTH!!!

BD (now in agonizing pain): NO!….I’ve been in the SESA Football Academy.

LDC: For how long?

BD: Two years.

LDC: And before that?

BD: I’ve always been playing for the school team……..St. Britto High…..

LDC (cutting in): OK, spare the details. What did they make you do in the SESA Academy?

BD: They made us practiced very hard.

LDC (threatening to throw another mug of hot water): That’s the truth?

BD: Yes.

LDC (throwing the mug of hot water on him): THE TRUTH!! AND IN DETAIL!!!

BD (scared and in pain): No, no, they gave is performance enhancing drugs. Nadronaline to be specific. Two doses daily. We were also injected with hormones so that our body would be able to get to a point of optimality. They also mixed some other drugs in our food. We were treated like animals.

LDC: Don’t blame the academy. It’s your fault for joining it. Now for who are you playing?

BD: PVC Parra.

LDC: I heard you’ll don’t win…….

BD (interrupting): That’s because of our goalkeeper.

LDC (fuming with anger): DON’T SPEAK IN BETWEEN N DON’T BLAME THE GOALKEEPER. LOUSY MORON. All you fowards n midfielders do is blame the goalkeeper for your lousy performances. Leave that aside, now what are your plans for the future?

BD: I don’t know.

LDC (pointing a gun to his temple): Better decide, right now.

BD: Er, may be……er…..

Suddenly a ‘Roterio’ ball comes zooming into the room, hits theLDC Agent’s hand n knocks off the gun. The Agent is shocked. He looks around but can’t see anyone. Another ball zooms into the room n hits the Agent on the head, leaving him unconscious on the floor. Babushin looks up n sees Zinedine Zidane n Luis Figo standing at the far end of the room.

BD (stunned): What the……?

Zinedine Zidane (In French): Nous sommes ta ‘saviours’. (We are your saviors).

Luis Figo (he knows English): Yes! You are our future. Our successor in the Midfield.

BD: But how did you’ll manage to save me?

LF: If haven’t noticed, this room does not have a roof. And, my good friend her (pointing to Zidane) managed to curl the ball over the roof n knock the gun off his hand (pointing to The Agent, who was now totally motionless).

BD: But how did the second ball come in?

ZZ: Oui, il bute la futbol par…….

LF (interrupting): Shut Up man, let me do the talking, you do the kicking. Ya, the second ball, I kicked it through the wall.

BD: Oh that’s how all this happened.

ZZ n Figo untie Babushin n then the three of them go to the corner of the room to celebrate their achievement. Unfortunately there was no flag so they pull their jerseys over their heads and start running around the room. While all this was happening, the Agent comes back to his senses, picks up his gun and shoots the threesome. That’s becauseThe Lovell Dies Crapsite always wins in end, by hook, crook or by gun.

(Spare the insults if it wasn’t that funny – Lovelldies).